Posts Tagged ‘adultery’

REALationships  # 3 PM 23 June 2013Boy Meets Girl 2


We have spoken in week one about Gods great passion to have a people of His own.

God is firstly a Father and He longs for children to walk with Him.


“But down the road the population of Israel is going to explode past counting, like sand on the ocean beaches. In the very place where they were once named Nobody, they will be named God’s Somebody. Everybody in Judah and everybody in Israel will be assembled as one people. They’ll choose a single leader. There’ll be no stopping them—a great day in Jezreel!” (Hosea 1:10, 11 MSG)

“And now, here’s what I’m going to do: I’m going to start all over again. I’m taking her back out into the wilderness where we had our first date, and I’ll court her. I’ll give her bouquets of roses. I’ll turn Heartbreak Valley into Acres of Hope. She’ll respond like she did as a young girl, those days when she was fresh out of Egypt. (Hosea 2:14, 15 MSG)

 PICTURE – God as the jilted lover, Israel as the unfaithful partner.  God, broken hearted keeps promising restoration if she will return.


 1. The fruit of the tree you shall not eat… You want what you can’t have.

2. The grass is greener scenario.

 In Australia http://www.smh.com.au/news/National/Cheating-hearts/2004/12/22/1103391840011.html?oneclick=true

Depending on which study you believe, between 30 per cent and 50 per cent of people in long-term relationships have been unfaithful, and, according to the Australian Institute of Family Studies, infidelity is cited as the main provocation in 20 per cent of divorce cases.

In the 2005 Global sex survey taken by the condom company Durex; Australia rated second highest nation on earth for the number of sexual partners respondents had. An average of 13.3.

 But for right now, friends, I’m completely frustrated by your unspiritual dealings with each other and with God. You’re acting like infants in relation to Christ, capable of nothing much more than nursing at the breast. Well, then, I’ll nurse you since you don’t seem capable of anything more. As long as you grab for what makes you feel good or makes you look important, are you really much different than a babe at the breast, content only when everything’s going your way? When one of you says, “I’m on Paul’s side,” and another says, “I’m for Apollos,” aren’t you being totally infantile? (1 Corinthians 3:1-4 MSG)

 Broken lives, sin soaked hearts, believing that you have to make it all happen yourself. Thinking God is not going to take care of you, wont keep his promise. He has promised to take care of you and provide everything for your needs. Your need for relationships is clear to Him.

  THEREFORE, the prisoner for the Lord, appeal to and beg you to walk (lead a life) worthy of the [divine] calling to which you have been called [with behavior that is a credit to the summons to God’s service, Living as becomes you] with complete lowliness of mind (humility) and meekness (unselfishness, gentleness, mildness), with patience, bearing with one another and making allowances because you love one another. Be eager and strive earnestly to guard and keep the harmony and oneness of [and produced by] the Spirit in the binding power of peace. (Ephesians 4:1-3 AMP)

 So how does one build a great relationship with others especially someone who you want to share your life with – a life long partner?

  1. Put God first in your relationships. – intimacy with God brings life.
  2. Stop talking about yourself! Show interest in others.
  3. Sow what you want to reap – do unto others.
  4. Become the right person instead of looking for the right person.

  Just because something is technically legal doesn’t mean that it’s spiritually appropriate. If I went around doing whatever I thought I could get by with, I’d be a slave to my whims. You know the old saying, “First you eat to live, and then you live to eat”? Well, it may be true that the body is only a temporary thing, but that’s no excuse for stuffing your body with food, or indulging it with sex. Since the Master honors you with a body, honor him with your body! (1 Corinthians 6:12, 13 MSG)

 There’s two needs women and men experience – intimacy and sex.

Within a marriage a woman will put up with sex to gain intimacy, and a man will put up with itimacy to gain sex.

 But before marriage God has a plan…

 Discover God and learn about people.

1Co 7:32  I want you to live as free of complications as possible. When you’re unmarried, you’re free to concentrate on simply pleasing the Master.

1Co 7:33  Marriage involves you in all the nuts and bolts of domestic life and in wanting to please your spouse,

1Co 7:34  leading to so many more demands on your attention. The time and energy that married people spend on caring for and nurturing each other, the unmarried can spend in becoming whole and holy instruments of God.

1Co 7:35  I’m trying to be helpful and make it as easy as possible for you, not make things harder. All I want is for you to be able to develop a way of life in which you can spend plenty of time together with the Master without a lot of distractions.

 Building great relationships is different today than in past times.

When your grandparents grew up it was most common fro a young man to court a young woman for a couple of years and they would decide to marry.

 Of course you have needs for companionship and for sex. The world says take what you need, the religion says deny what you need, but the answer is  acknowledge your need yield yourself to God.

 In my pre married days I had to make that transition from regular sexual involvement to celebacy as I became a Christian.  Its a high calling. Think of our grandfathers in th trenches in WW1.

 In my generation young couples met at parties and sometimes clubs and decided to go out. Later couples were connecting through mutual contact through school UNI and the workplace. Often groups of young adults hung out together and made relationship building a group affair.

 Things have changed a lot – in one episode of Jerry Seinfeld he’s dating a girl but can’t remember her name, he gets into all kinds of trouble trying to find out out what it is but can’t ask her because they are already sleeping together. This episode is dated over 10 years ago!!

 These days a fair percentage of couples get together through relationship and dating services.

When the Internet first began I married several couple who met someone through the Internet chat rooms and I was at first horrified. I thought for sure that these virtual relationships wouldn’t last, however I was surprised how many cof these coupes stayed together.



Australian members: Two million – the most popular online dating site, according to recent figures. Who’s on it: Roughly 50/50 female and male; 48% of members are aged between 26 and 40, while 34% are between 41 and 60


Australian members: More than a million, according to an eHarmony spokesperson Who’s on it: About 51% males and 49% females; most members are aged in their 20s and 30s, but there are also a large number of older users

 Oasis Active

Australian members: About 1.6 million Cost: Free Who’s on it: Roughly 60% of members are male and 40% female; 64% are aged between 18 and 35, while 27% are between 36 and 50

 Some people may still feel a bit uncomfortable about connecting through an online dating service,  however if you use one you will more than likely have more success than if you didn’t use one. And why is that?

 Relationships are hard because people are time poor, expectations have changed a great deal and online communications have taken away genuine intimacy.

The reason these online services have a good strike rate is the extensive profiling of each  person that takes place before they meet. To apply you must give a complete review of all your personality, background and experience. They website computer program’s select people with similar values so that the potential for conflict is reduced.


Do you look at a relationship and ask, “Will this relationship meet my needs?”

Then you may experience a lot of disappointment in relationships.

What makes a great relationship is the task of making someone else’s life beautiful.

 What makes a great relationship is what you give into a relationship.

Relationships are not 50/50 – It’s 100%

Are you looking for Mr. right or Miss Right? Or are you working on becoming Mr. Right or miss Right?

 Being needy or insecure in a relationship is going to make that relationship difficult. If the threat of ending a relationship brings fear to you then you may compromise your values to keep it. It’s not worth it.

 Here’s two great promises for you.

  1. God has planned your life. Jer 29:11  I know what I’m doing. I have it all planned out–plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for. (MESS) – Tina’s story
  2. God knows your needs –  Mat 6:7  “The world is full of so-called prayer warriors who are prayer-ignorant. They’re full of formulas and programs and advice, peddling techniques for getting what you want from God.  Mat 6:8  Don’t fall for that nonsense. This is your Father you are dealing with, and he knows better than you what you need. (MESS)


  1. Do you believe that a person’s relationship with God can be so fulfilling that they don’t need a partner? Discuss.
  2. Discuss how online communication such as facebook has removed a lot of the real intimacy in relationships.
  3. Discuss the differences in how young men and young women experience the challenges of singleness.
  4. If you are always talking about yourself, what does that do to your relationships?
  5. When people think the grass is greener on the other side of the fence, they are often getting the wrong perspective. Discuss.

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LED BY THE SPIRIT # 3 – HOW TO LISTEN WHEN YOU DON’T WANT TO HEARtalk_to_the_hand_by_coppy_cat



We want to be a Spirit filled and a Spirit led church. We want to be open to the Holy Spirit and allow Him to lead and have His way in us. God has designed human beings to be filled with and controlled by the Holy Spirit.  In April our theme was about being Baptised in the Holy Spirit. The number one reason we need this experience of the Baptism of the Holy Spirit is so that we can be a witness. We learned that at salvation our own human spirit is recreated by the Holy Spirit. We learned that being baptised in the Spirit is a secondary experience to being born again and we learned about the power and value of praying in other tongues.

This month we have shared the wonder of being led by the Spirit of God. In week 1 we learned Man was created to be a vessel for the Holy Spirit to live in. You are called to live a higher life. A spirit dimension life not a natural or carnal life. In week 2 we learned that being led by the Holy Spirit helps us build relationships with each other as we show the fruit of the Spirit.

Today I want to share with you how to listen when you don’t wan to hear. Here’s our story.

2Sa 11:1  IN THE spring, when kings go forth to battle, David sent Joab with his servants and all Israel, and they ravaged the Ammonites [country] and besieged Rabbah. But David remained in Jerusalem.

2Sa 11:2  One evening David arose from his couch and was walking on the roof of the king’s house, when from there he saw a woman bathing; and she was very lovely to behold.

2Sa 11:3  David sent and inquired about the woman. One said, Is not this Bathsheba, the daughter of Eliam and the wife of Uriah the Hittite?

2Sa 11:4  And David sent messengers and took her. And she came in to him, and he lay with her–for she was purified from her uncleanness. Then she returned to her house.

2Sa 11:5  And the woman became pregnant and sent and told David, I am with child.

2Sa 11:6  David sent to Joab, saying, Send me Uriah the Hittite. So Joab sent [him] Uriah.

In our sordid little tale of a King who is staying home from war and finding himself up to no good; he actually arranges for this innocent husband to be killed in the battle and later King David marries Bathsheba. Her baby dies and later she bears David a child who is Solomon the future King.

Think with me for a moment about the mindset of a king. A king in this culture has all power. He can pretty much do anything he wants and is essentially above the law. In the story of Esther we see that coming into the presence of the king unannounced may lead to death if the king does not point his sceptre at you. Certainly no one ever comes to the king to challenge him or criticise him. So imagine the fear in the heart of Nathan the prophet who comes to challenge David with a word from God.

2Sa 12:1  AND THE Lord sent Nathan to David. He came and said to him, There were two men in a city, one rich and the other poor.

2Sa 12:2  The rich man had very many flocks and herds,

2Sa 12:3  But the poor man had nothing but one little ewe lamb which he had bought and brought up, and it grew up with him and his children. It ate of his own morsel, drank from his own cup, lay in his bosom, and was like a daughter to him.

2Sa 12:4  Now a traveller came to the rich man, and to avoid taking one of his own flock or herd to prepare for the wayfaring man who had come to him, he took the poor man’s lamb and prepared it for his guest.

2Sa 12:5  Then David’s anger was greatly kindled against the man, and he said to Nathan, As the Lord lives, the man who has done this is a son [worthy] of death.

2Sa 12:6  He shall restore the lamb fourfold, because he did this thing and had no pity.

2Sa 12:7  Then Nathan said to David, You are the man!

Nathan goes on to describe the judgements of God against David for his sins. His actions will result in many regrettable outcomes.  Now watch how David reacts to this news; and remember how kings have a mindset that they are above the law and can do what ever they please.

2Sa 12:13  And David said to Nathan, I have sinned against the Lord.

In Psalm 51 David prays for forgiveness and repents deeply of his sins, saying “against you and you only, Oh God, have I sinned and done this evil in your sight.”

King David was able to listen when he didn’t want to hear. He was able to repent although he had sinned so greatly. He must have ignored every warning light in his heart as he lay with Bathsheba and later had her husband killed. His was a position of power over. His sin was greater because of his position.

This is why I believe God calls David a man after God’s own heart.

Act 13:22  And when He had deposed him, He raised up David to be their king; of him He bore witness and said, I have found David son of Jesse a man after My own heart, who will do all My will and carry out My program fully.

I believe God says this, not because David is a good man but because David was able to be moved by the Spirit of God. King David was able to listen when he didn’t want to hear.

Can you listen when you don’t want to hear?

When was the last time the Holy Spirit tapped you on the shoulder and said, “You’re wrong!”  Have you ignored warnings that go off in your heart? David’s attitude is also our attitude when we contemplate going outside the guidelines the Holy Spirit wants to bring to our lives. I can do it we say! I can do what I want. We become our own little king. It’s called pride. A heart overtaken in pride will find it very hard to hear correction.

Pro 15:10  Correction is grievous to him who forsakes the way; he who hates reproof shall die. (MKJV)

Humility is a choice, but it’s harder when we are not used to cultivating a life of humility. If we are used to getting our own way – that’s the flesh! The flesh life or the carnal life doesn’t recognise the leading of the Holy Spirit. The spirit life or the life of the Spirit is in sync, in tune with the Holy Spirit.

Sometimes when we go off track we need to be open to the Holy Spirit to show us where we are wrong and repent quickly.

Psa 139:23  Search me [thoroughly], O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts!

Psa 139:24  And see if there is any wicked or hurtful way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.

Are you like David? Open? Teachable? Able to be turned? Able to listen when you don’t want to hear?


  1. Discuss how being a king meant that David had great power over others and this power made it difficult to hear a contrary opinion.
  2. Discuss how Nathan the prophet would have felt coming to see David and being commanded by God to correct the king.
  3. Why did Nathan tell a story that seemed unrelated to David’s sin?
  4. Discuss how David responded to Nathans approach.
  5. David repented deeply, still Bathsheba’s baby died; why do you think that is?

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We live in a fallen world.

We live in a world where values of integrity and fidelity have moved significantly over the last 100 years.

Adultery has always been a factor in every era, but now in this day in which we live it is sold as exciting and adventurous; being openly displayed on almost every TV program, movie and magazine. It has become far more acceptable now then ever before.



The hurt caused by betrayal is seldom given the prominence that a salacious affair is given.

The Effect of the media.

The media glamorises adultery.

Catholic news service  http://www.catholic.org/national/national_story.php?id=28831

LOS ANGELES (LifeSiteNews) – The Parents Television Council released a new study, Happily Never After: How Hollywood Favors Adultery and Promiscuity Over Marital Intimacy on Prime Time Broadcast Television, which revealed that broadcast networks depict sex in the context of marriage as either non-existent or burdensome, while showing positive depictions of extra-marital or adulterous sexual relationships with alarming frequency.
Across the broadcast networks, the new PTC report found that verbal references to non-marital sex outnumbered references to sex in the context of marriage by nearly 3 to 1, and scenes depicting or implying sex between non-married partners outnumbered similar scenes between married couples by a ratio of nearly 4 to 1.

Durex’s Global Sex Survey has found that worldwide 22% of people surveyed have had extramarital sex. Some countries the prevalence was as high as 58%

United States

Alfred Kinsey found in his studies that 50% of males and 26% of females had extramarital sex at least once during their lifetime.[20] Depending on studies, it was estimated that 26–50% of men and 21–38% women,[21]

In Australia http://www.smh.com.au/news/National/Cheating-hearts/2004/12/22/1103391840011.html?oneclick=true

Depending on which study you believe, between 30 per cent and 50 per cent of people in long-term relationships have been unfaithful, and, according to the Australian Institute of Family Studies, infidelity is cited as the main provocation in 20 per cent of divorce cases.

In the 2005 Global sex survey taken by the condom company Durex; Australia rated second highest nation on earth for the number of sexual partners respondents had. An average of 13.3.


There is now a website that facilitates adultery; It is a website for people who want a fling. AshleyMadison.com their slogan is Life is short – Have an affair.

Christians commit adultery too. In spite of the bible saying

1Co_6:9  Do you not know that the unrighteous and the wrongdoers will not inherit or have any share in the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived (misled): neither the impure and immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor those who participate in homosexuality,

1Co 6:10  Nor cheats (swindlers and thieves), nor greedy graspers, nor drunkards, nor foulmouthed revilers and slanderers, nor extortioners and robbers will inherit or have any share in the kingdom of God. (AMP)

Yet many Christians fall into this trap.

Most likely your marriage is fine. This message may seem irrelevant to you, but consider who else you can help who may be struggling in this area. More to the point; be on your guard, for we are all subject to temptation and we need Godly advice to protect us from errors.

Why do some Christians fall into this trap?

1. The culture of the age

The culture of the age is drowning in moral relativism. That is: if it feels good – Do it! The trend is to question all kinds of restraint. Who says pre-marital sex is wrong? The result: the incidence of sexually transmitted diseases sky rockets. Who says adultery is wrong? Result: the divorce rate is the highest ever, throwing massive costs on to the economy through a multitude of ramifications.

As people move away form God, righteousness and fidelity, they look more and more like the nation of Israel who suffered the consequences of disobedience to God. If you don’t believe in God or don’t care about righteousness then none of this makes sense to you and Christians are just prudes and kill joys, hypocrites who try to tell others how to live.

But the bible calls us Christians to be salt and light. Not only are we called to live in righteousness but our example is to show the way for others. It’s our joy to walk with Jesus and to be ever so grateful for our release from the prison of sin and the horror of eternity in hell, that we draw on all His power to live a new life of freedom, righteousness and purity.

As born again Christians we have a new nature. We are born from above we don’t want to sin any longer; this salvation we have, is power over sin, and we have a new heart that wants to please God.

2. Everyone is tempted

Jas_1:14  But every person is tempted when he is drawn away, enticed and baited by his own evil desire (lust, passions). (AMP)

We learned last week about the power of walking in the spirit, we have a carnal nature – that old man that still has influence in our lives if we let it. But we choose to walk in the spirit and thereby we do not fulfil the lusts of the flesh.

You may be tempted, but here’s why you don’t yield to it.

  1. God is so generous and gracious to call you out of darkness. We say no to sin because of so great a salvation. We know what we are saved from.
  2. We count the cost. Is one night of passion worth losing our marriage, losing the respect of my kids, breaking up the family home, paying lawyers thousands of dollars in divorce settlements etc etc? (It cost Greg Norman $9mill to divorce his first wife… might have been less pain to stay together)
  3. There’s a massive amount of evidence that such relationships rarely work out. 41% of marriages end in divorce and 83% of second marriages.


3. The absence of the fear of God

The church must stay true to the word of God. If the church strays away from truth it loses its power and effectiveness. The church cannot wink at pre-marital sex, adultery, or any immorality because the society is changing. We must preach bible values. To preach the gospel is to present the true picture of salvation. The reality of what Jesus has done on the cross is so awesome and amazing that we are deeply moved by our understanding of the consequences of sin and the great gift of salvation we have received. It is a gift that we do not deserve in any way. Our ability to see it and repent is totally a gift from God and for us to take it for granted is the height of foolishness.

The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom. Depth of His love equals the height of His anger against sin. If we truly know Him we are people who walk in a Godly fear and walk in a manner worthy of so great a salvation.

Heb 10:26  If we give up and turn our backs on all we’ve learned, all we’ve been given, all the truth we now know, we repudiate Christ’s sacrifice

Heb 10:27  and are left on our own to face the Judgment–and a mighty fierce judgment it will be!

Heb 10:28  If the penalty for breaking the law of Moses is physical death,

Heb 10:29  what do you think will happen if you turn on God’s Son, spit on the sacrifice that made you whole, and insult this most gracious Spirit?

Heb 10:30  This is no light matter. God has warned us that he’ll hold us to account and make us pay. He was quite explicit: “Vengeance is mine, and I won’t overlook a thing,” and, “God will judge his people.”

Heb 10:31  Nobody’s getting by with anything, believe me. (MESS)

God is so gracious and forgiving, and yes, of course, adultery is not the unforgivable sin, but can we trade on that grace and enter a forbidden relationship in the belief that God will forgive and pardon us in the end?

I have counselled many people who have made that decision. Some ended up far from God, others serve in the ministry today. My only plea to all people I serve with the word of God, is walk carefully, this is very dangerous ground.

4. Spiritual and emotional adultery

Physical adultery breaks a covenant made in the sight of God between two people. Often this step comes at the end of what began as emotional and spiritual adultery.

Some people may even enter emotional and spiritual adultery and not actually come together physically.

Jesus speaks so clearly about this practice when he says…

Mat 5:27  You have heard that it was said, You shall not commit adultery. [Exod. 20:14; Deut. 5:18.]

Mat 5:28  But I say to you that everyone who so much as looks at a woman with evil desire for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart. (AMP)

When a man and a woman marry they covenant to live together and give each other their hearts and their souls and their bodies. Scientists have discovered that when a couple makes love, the hormone oxytocin is released in both the man and the woman. This hormone creates a bonding experience in the mind and emotions of each one. The act of sex is so much more than physical.

When a married person shares their heart with a person other than their spouse they begin to forge a link that supplies the rest and refreshment of the soul that should be provided only by your spouse. Often counsellors get into trouble because they show empathy and express care and listening skills which create a bond emotionally that leads to emotions of infidelity. That is why in this church we do not counsel the opposite sex.

These emotions can seem so real that the person believes they have fallen in love with someone else and now they feel their own partner does not love them.

Often the man feels his wife does not understand him and he finds solace in the caring of another woman. His own wife will sense he has distanced himself from her and alarm bells go off. Soon her fear of another being present in the relationship, pushes her to criticism and anger, pushing him away.

At this point the offending pair will say, “It all seems so right. Perhaps we married the wrong person.”

They have been duped by deception. This deception stops them from seeing the truth – that their new relationship is of their own making and it is fuelled by pride. “This is what I want – it’s for me”

Pro 6:32  But whoever commits adultery with a woman lacks heart and understanding (moral principle and prudence); he who does it is destroying his own life.

Pro 6:33  Wounds and disgrace will he get, and his reproach will not be wiped away. (AMP)

 The way out

  1. Cut it off now. Don’t wait another hour. Don’t expect your feelings to approve. Run from the snare that has caught you.   Pro 7:21  With much justifying and enticing argument she persuades him, with the allurements of her lips she leads him [to overcome his conscience and his fears] and forces him along.

Pro 7:22  Suddenly he [yields and] follows her reluctantly like an ox moving to the slaughter, like one in fetters going to the correction [to be given] to a fool or like a dog enticed by food to the muzzle

  1. Seek God and cry out for His mercy that perhaps He will lift the deception off your soul.
  2. See a counsellor. Be open to someone who is Godly and confess your sins and receive instruction. Chris and I are willing to see anyone. You may wish to see a professional counsellor outside the church. Here is a resource for Christian counsellors. http://www.ccaa.net.au/find-a-christian-counsellor/all-christian-counsellors.php?intstate=2  and another  http://www.totalwellbeing.com.au/counselling-service

We live in a crazy world where the moral standards are plummeting – lets be a church that shines the light so bright. Let’s be a church that empowers great marriages and heals broken ones. Let’s be a church that helps adulterers find a way back home and let’s be a church that helps to heal the broken hearted ones who have been betrayed.

Love one another, go easy on one another, pray for each other.

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